A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian.
So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.
"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Sven.
"Ok," the Norwegian said, "my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?"
"Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?"
The Norwegian burst out, "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota!"
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There was a blonde that lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue.
She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed.
In a panic she called 911. They answered and said "This is Joe, is there an emergency?"
The blonde replied "Yes my shed is on fire!!!" Joe said, "Don't panic help in on the way...where do you live?"
The blonde said, "IN A HOUSE, NOW HURRY!!"
Joe calmly responded back, "How are we supposed to get there?"
The blonde answered back, "DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!"
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Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.
One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'
The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'
The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'
The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'
Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'
The second redneck replies, 'No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!'
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Q: Do you know the difference between a pigeon and a stock broker?
A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Ferrari.
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My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond...idiot!
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Q: What did Jesus say to the Cubs last time he was on Earth?
A: “Don’t do anything til I get back.”
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Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!"
Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"
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Q: What did the water say when it ran in to some concrete?
A: Dam
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So this older fellow and his wife were working in their yard, when a neighbor stopped by and started chatting with the older fellow.
After several minutes of conversation the neighbor looked down at the older gentleman's dog and said, "That's a really cute dog, what kind of dog is it?"
The older gentleman stopped and thought for a moment. The moment turned into a minute....finally, he said, "I hate it when this happens, I just go brain dead sometimes. I just can't remember........ but it.....it's the name of a flower that ladies love to get. You buy them by the dozen and they come in red, yellow, and pink. The have long stems and sometimes have thorns."
The neighbor says "Do you mean a rose???"
The older fellow says "Yeah, that's it.
And he turns to his wife and says "Hey Rosie, what kind of dog is this we have?"
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